if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize