Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's never too late to be topless.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
