I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
