I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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