So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
