About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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