i don't like sucking hair
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
