i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
