and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
