We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
