Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize