Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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