I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
