I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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