I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
