I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
