I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
