She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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