I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
