my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
