He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
