if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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