TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
