The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
