I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
