I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
