What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
