plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
