Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
