I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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