I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
