I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
