What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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