My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
