She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
