This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
