Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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