Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My hand turned me down
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
