Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
