I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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