I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
