I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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