M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
