Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
