Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
