Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
