Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
