come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dicks are not precious.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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