So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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