If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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