i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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