She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Your shirt... Was in my pants
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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