Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
should my penis look like a turkey
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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