I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
