someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
