I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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