I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I understand Curling. That high.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
