I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize