Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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