I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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