We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
